“I have decided that I am not a 40 something. I am 39.95, plus shipping and handling.” That was one of my tweets today on this, my 45th birthday. It’s also Thursday which anyone on social media should know is Throw Back Thursday #tbt. SO, having a birthday that ushers me further away from 40 and closer to, gulp, 50 ON Throw Back Thursday is just asking for sentimental notions, denial and a midlife crisis. We see our kids turn 10 and we say, “Oh, they grow so fast!” I see me turn 45 and I’m thinking, “Where did the time go?”
Holy cow.
There’s a saying that goes “You don’t stop playing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop playing.” Add that to one of my responses to inquiries about the number of children we have, “They keep me young,” and we have a formula for a fountain of youth. Now that grandbabies have entered the scene, there will be no end to my shenanigans!
It’s been through being a mom that I have, quite serendipitously, re-discovered my “inner youth” and have tried to get it right this go ‘round. For example, when I was a school-girl, I would bring home those arts and crafts books from the school library, look at all the cool projects I wanted to tackle then promptly NOT make a single one of them.
This school girl here. The 70s, the height of fashion….
I believe that was due to my serious lack of self confidence…among other things. Then comes along the Fecher kids
who don’t know they’re supposed to be intimidated by trying new things, have creativity and talent oozing out of their ears and I’m a new woman…girl. They have been contagious. Now, when I get on Pinterest, I see a project I want to attack, make a supply list and the next thing we know, the kids are asking each other, “Why is Mom painting clothespins?” (True story). I have a refreshed appetite for adventure, travel, friends, creativity and play.
I also have a constant reminder of what child-like faith looks like. I get stressed out. But something has been reprogrammed in me that keeps the worry at bay. Like a kid, I see and feel God taking care of me and I know that even when there’s absolutely no money available for business bills, God will come through somehow and I watch and wait for it. I get antsy when bills are past due or I don’t get a much-needed catering job. I fret when a child is injured or sick or when the youth of our household make less-than-ideal decisions (we’ve had open discussions about how people are all stupid, us included, and this expected). But each time I venture into “worry-land,” the “que sera sera” comes over me like a wave. Kids love anticipation. I do, too. Something the kids have taught me is that the problems that normally cause worry should create anticipation for what God will do. I wish I could remember which Christian speaker it was that I heard talk about problems. (If you know who this is, let me know). He said, “All God’s people got problems. If you don’t have a problem, you come forward and we’ll lay hands on you and pray God gives you a problem. Because if you want to see a miracle, first you gotta have a problem! You can’t have a miracle without a problem!”
One of my mantras is “Never a dull moment!” Big family + new season of grandbabies +a business = problems-a-plenty or, what we affectionately call them, “growth opportunities.” Also opportunities for miracles. Never a dull moment.
I’m looking forward, with anticipation, to another year of growth opportunities…and miracles. 
)
What’s not shared is lost,
Michelle
There’s really no need for commentary here but I have some anyway. This song chokes me up. Anyone who has been found chokes up when they hear it. If you claim to be a Christian and you don’t choke up when you hear this song, I seriously question if you have wrapped your brain around grace. Just sayin’.
I wear out this song out because it reminds me that even though Mercy found me, I will manage to lose myself in my bad habits, my worries, loneliness, temptations and fears again and again. When I do, I have the comfort of knowing that Mercy knows where to find me even if I don’t and, though it’s stupid to ever leave Jesus arms, they’re ALWAYS open, ready and waiting for me when I’m prone to wander. I know that’s not necessarily what Mr. Walker wrote into this song but it’s what I take with me. Here’s the story behind the song:
Here’s the song. Even if you know it, read the lyrics again…and get choked up:
Did I mention I wear this song out? Heck, I wear out the whole CD. Rhett has an intense voice and style, the band has great synergy and there’s not a song on Come To The River that I don’t love. I own so many CDs that I skip around to hear my favorites but not this one; it’s played straight through then started over again.
I cannot wait to see the Rhett Walker Band in concert again! If you’re not a Certified Rhettneck, yet, you need to get on the bandwagon!
What’s not shared is lost,
Michelle
One would think with being told by the doctor to stay off of my feet for at least two weeks that I would have been able to catch up on my blog before now. I’ve been doing a lot of reading up on blogging to give myself some motivation but that hasn’t made any posts magically appear. I keep thinking that once I catch my breath, I’ll write something. Who am I kidding? I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon. And while I’ve been waiting for that “spare” moment to happen, SO many events have transpired that I have failed to journal while in the moment. I’m not getting any younger; I’m not going to remember things unless I write it down, take a picture (or 10) or there is some sort of food that’s part of the event that will create a dendrite in my brain that will stir up the memory when I get a whiff of said food at a later date. I have blogged about my not blogging before. I probably will again. I need to write and it’s extremely frustrating when I don’t. There’s also something to be said for “use it or lose it.” There was a time when I could write rather well without it being a struggle. For example, that last sentence took me about 5 episodes of backspacing until I was satisfied with the wording. Good grief.
I have a ton of pictures I want to post, cakes I want to display, stories to tell and, eventually, recipes to share. I heard someone once say that if you haven’t given up, you haven’t failed so here I am again. I’m at it again and I’m making an effort to be organized and set a time to write even if I don’t post.
That being said, here’s a “brief” description of the whirlwind that has transpired in our family since the end of May:
(So…this is a “quick” rundown of the past 10 ..T-E-N ..days of my life. A lot was left out! SO…somewhere in this…I passed myself coming or going….
What’s not shared is lost,
Michelle
Last year, Richmond Civic Theatre announced that it was one of a handful of community theatres that did not miss the opportunity to nab performance rights to oh, I can’t stand it….Les Miserables. Ever since, I have been trying to contain my “estaticness” and resist the temptation to act as crazy as some of my theatre friends who have Instagrammed, Twittered & Facebooked all manner of fanaticism since before the movie was released in December. Y’all are ridiculous. And I love it! I have been preparing myself mentally to audition for Madam Thenardier. I know I can sing the part (I sound fantastic in the van) and the character would be a blast to play! People who know me know I would have fun with it. I purchased my soundtrack CD, picked up audition materials, YouTubed the piece to rehearse and wrote audition dates on the calendar. This was going to be a once in a lifetime thang, ya know?
As the audition dates have approached, I began to feel conflicted and wasn’t sure why. I’m not afraid of auditioning. I’ve done it before, had fun, got a part, had a blast with Pirates of Penzance! I’m ready to do it again. Recently, I was listening to my Les Mis soundtrack and the youngsters were around so I skipped “Master of the House” because it has “bad words.” It hit me that, even if I were to get the part of Madam Thenardier, my little kids would not be able to see me in the play because of language and heaviness of subject matter and, if they were to see it, I would have to justify to them why it’s okay for mommy to use “bad words” simply because they are being sung and fit the character. Wow. What was I thinking? True, the language suits the character but it doesn’t suit mine. Another time last week, little 3 year old Seth was sitting on my lap in the evening, as he usually does, and the thought hit me that I would be missing several months of our evening routine of cuddling. No biggie to the theatre or the rest of the world but it means everything to Seth in the evening. Especially since we started our catering business, I have to be gone sometimes during the day. Then it was time for lullabies. Seth likes to hear the one I wrote for him, “Teach Me Lord” or “Deep, Deep” then his lullaby is followed by Isaiah’s regular, “Amazing Grace.” That, too, would not be happening for awhile as I know a rigorous rehearsal schedule is in store for those who get parts. Then there’s the hilarity that emanates from the kitchen when the kids are doing dishes in the evening or my huge homeschooling, business-owning, catering to-do list. BUT, I’ve been telling myself, this is a once in a lifetime chance!
It was from the deep recesses of my mind that that phrase re-emerged from the past. I heard it on TV. It was Regis and Kathy Lee. Yes, I used to watch the show on occasion. On one particular show, Kathy Lee was talking about how she was going to be hosting the Miss America or some other Pageant and, in order to fit the dress she wanted to wear, she was weaning her baby. Say wha? She was weaning her baby to fit a dress. Why? Her words still ring in my ear; “It’s a once in a lifetime chance.” I remember thinking, “Isn’t being your baby’s mommy a once in a lifetime chance?” So here I am, struggling with my once in a lifetimes, looking at each of them and, while I think working with the people at the theatre is fabulous, my little ones are precious and I have to be away from them enough as it is when we cater. I was able to do a play before because we didn’t own a business…that changes things quite a bit!
SO, I will be excited for my friends who get parts and I will continue to wear out my soundtrack. I will help with costumes and come see the play in August (as should everyone else) and I KNOW it will be fantastic! But I will be passing this round. I was feeling a tad miserable over missing out, but then I remembered what I would be missing out on if I didn’t miss out on Les Miserables and then some of us would really be miserable. Did you get all that? BUT, theatre peeps, please hold off on Fiddler on the Roof for a few years because I have sworn to my family that I WILL BE GOLDE!!! Well, I want to at least try. )
What’s not shared is lost,
Michelle
UPDATE: If I sound over-confident about getting the part of Mdm. Thenardier, it’s only because I’m not auditioning. IF I were, in fact, auditioning, I know good and well that the odds of getting a major role are slim (I not that cocky). I believe in shooting for the stars so as hit the moon. In this case the moon being the probable role of a whore (as listed in the audition materials) and then I’m back to my little kids asking, “Mommy, what role did you get?” “I’m a whore.” “Mommy, what’s a whore?” Sigh…Sound of Music is next..maybe I could be a Nazi…that would fun to try to explain, too…
Dear Blog,
Remember me? Have you missed me at all? I’ve missed you bunches!Here’s the dealio: We had to drop Verizon like a lead brick due to their constantly increasing fees and horrific customer service. Heretofore…we have no internet at home. Additionally, to replace our connection with clients and the rest of the world, we opted for a smartphone. Yea, I know, we’re catching up with everyone else. Well, the phone I ordered started crashing immediately upon activation. SO, I have been trying to remedy that while getting my geek on to keep the phone breathing until Straight Talk, ATT and ZTE all figure out whose warranty this gadget is covered by…sigh. Moreover, I have been unable to access my Quickbooks files which are “sort of” needed when prepping for your appointment with your accountant for taxes. My laptop had to have surgery so I was without that for a week and just got it back a few days ago. SO, you see, I haven’t been deliberately ignoring you. I have been held hostage by technological difficulties. I have missed you and will figure out how to make our estranged relationship not so strange. Excuse my boohooing. I just want you to understand that if I could be here, I would! Please be patient; wait for me. Nothing but love!
What’s not shared is lost,
Michelle
I’ve been putting off blogging until all is right with the world but that’s looking to be a pretty long wait. Go figure. So, I’m going to have to be real and write where I’m at and where I’m at ain’t pretty.
Because it’s become very popular to a have picture at the beginning of a blog post to set the “mood”, I went searching for SOMETHING that would suit my needs. This one was a possibility:
The problem with that one is he’s happy, regardless of his issues so that doesn’t fit. I also came across this guy:
He’s just creepy. I’m not dealing with creepy so we’ll pass on him. On the other hand, our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12) and that’s kinda creepy so this could work.
I went looking for this guy. This pic used to hang in the dressing room hallway at Richmond Civic Theatre with the caption, “I will not complain about my costume. I will not complain about my costume.I will not complain about my costume.” Yea, the worst kind of ugly is self-inflicted, no doubt.”
There were a gazillion others but this one fits my purposes:
U-G-L-Y
You ain’t got no alibi.
You ugly, uh-huh, you uglay.
Remember that cute little edifying ditty from our youth? Ugly happens to everyone at sometime or another. Even though that is a truth of life, nobody wants to be ugly. As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been wanting to blog but that person who wants to write about the lovely and be inspirational is procrastinating until “the time is right.” It’s tempting to wear a mask and be all syrupy sweet gushing with optimism, oozing Biblical wisdom and displaying all the qualities of a spiritual rock. I could lay that on but I’m writing as much for me as anyone else and I sure won’t be fooling myself with that nonsense. No, I’ll just be real and say, “Hey, we all go through hard times, we don’t always respond the way we should, other people in our lives don’t respond the way they should and life is full of what we call “growth opportunities.”
I have read those blogs offering Biblical wisdom, quick-witted humor and/or Titus 2 admonitions. And let me not forget the brilliant photography and delicious recipes with step-by-step photos not to mention the consistency of regular blog posts. Sigh…I want to be all of those bloggers. Where God has me, though, is in the middle of yuck. Some of it is my own – my attitude and spiritual struggles. Some of it is the unpredictable stresses of owning a business still in the “losing money phase” of start-up. Some of it is the on-going saga of being a mom. Moms take an emotional beating, dontcha know? There’s plenty of other stuff I could boo hoo about but I’m not here to whine or make excuses. I just want to take a minute and be real.
We all expend a lot of energy in hiding our ugly. I know I do. I smile and say “I’m fine.” I avoid friends while I wait until I have my act together. I don’t invite people over when my house is a wreck. I don’t blog because I think I need to have something beautiful to write. I don’t go to God because I know what a disappointment I must be when that’s the exact opposite of what He wants.
There are folks who know “of me” who think I have it all together because I have twelve kids AND we homeschool AND we own a business, etc., etc. WELL, I don’t. Just ask my kids. I wish I did but I’m struggling right along with everyone else. I’m a normal person just asking God to use me then turning around and begging Him to stop because I can’t take the pressure. So, I put on my mask, quote just the right Scripture, smile and say, “I’m fine,” then go home, take off my mask and wonder what the Lord sees in me. I know that’s satan whispering in my ear. It doesn’t make me feel any better at the time. I know I’m a child of the King but sometimes the only ball this princess will attend is a masquerade due to her desire to be ambiguous.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but ugly is in the eye of anyone with an eye. We’ve all had defined for us by our culture what’s defined as lovely but there’s something in all of us that KNOWS ugly. No one wants to be ugly, we don’t feel lovable when we’re in an ugly place and it’s hard to love others when they’re in an ugly place. I’m ugly, you’re ugly, all God’s people get ugly. Wisdom is seeing through God’s eyes and seeing what God sees. Jesus ain’t ugly. Let’s take off our masks and love each other where we’re at.
What’s not shared is lost,
Michelle
Funerals are generally thought of as glum and solemn affairs, but it doesn't always have to be that way. Here are some things you can try to make your own funeral fun with a little planning. (Disclaimer: DO NOT attempt to make someone else’s funeral fun without prior consent, as some people’s ghosts have no sense of humor.)
1) Put a "Please Do Not disturb sign" on the side of the coffin.
I have lured you here with the sweet siren song of bacon....further elaboration on this recipe is probably not required. So let's cut to the chase, shall we? Okay then.
To make one batch, you will need:
-2 packages store-bought bacon, cooked the way you like it (I prefer crisp, and I think it works best in this recipe that way)
“Where words fail, music speaks.” I don’t know who said that but it’s true. There are no words that can adequately express the heartfelt sympathy so many of us wish to offer to the families and friends who have had their worlds shattered on Friday. My heart is turned inside out. Our family has been praying.
Thank you for stopping by! I need reminded, too! So God gave me kids! :o)
[…] {via Sunset Magazine, photos by Thomas Story, Iain Bagwell; edited by Stephanie Dean; feat
I'll be 39.95 plus shipping and handling in September. Love your blogs! Thanks for reminding me that
I'll be 39.95 +shipping and handling in September. Love this blog! Thanks for reminding me that prob
12 children?! God bless you, woman. Thanks for following my blog. It was such an encouragement to st
This is great! I love it! We need to stop putting on our masks, the truth is , we are all growing, l
I really want to try this when I feel better but in half a recipe (Laurie Holt)!
I really want to make this in half a recipe when I'm feeling better <3
http://thethinkingcloset.wordpress.com/
