I’ve been putting off blogging until all is right with the world but that’s looking to be a pretty long wait. Go figure. So, I’m going to have to be real and write where I’m at and where I’m at ain’t pretty.

Because it’s become very popular to a have picture at the beginning of a blog post to set the “mood”, I went searching for SOMETHING that would suit my needs. This one was a possibility:

The problem with that one is he’s happy, regardless of his issues so that doesn’t fit. I also came across this guy:

He’s just creepy. I’m not dealing with creepy so we’ll pass on him. On the other hand,  our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12) and that’s kinda creepy so this could work.

I went looking for this guy. This pic used to hang in the dressing room hallway at Richmond Civic Theatre with the caption, “I will not complain about my costume. I will not complain about my costume.I will not complain about my costume.” Yea, the worst kind of ugly is self-inflicted, no doubt.”

There were a gazillion others but this one fits my purposes:

U-G-L-Y

You ain’t got no alibi.

You ugly, uh-huh, you uglay.

Remember that cute little edifying ditty from our youth? Ugly happens to everyone at sometime or another. Even though that is a truth of life, nobody wants to be ugly.  As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been wanting to blog but that person who wants to write about the lovely and be inspirational is procrastinating until “the time is right.” It’s tempting to wear a mask and be all syrupy sweet gushing with optimism, oozing Biblical wisdom and displaying all the qualities of a spiritual rock. I could lay that on but I’m writing as much for me as anyone else and I sure won’t be fooling myself with that nonsense. No, I’ll just be real and say, “Hey, we all go through hard times, we don’t always respond the way we should, other people in our lives don’t respond the way they should and life is full of what we call “growth opportunities.”

I have read those blogs offering Biblical wisdom, quick-witted humor and/or Titus 2 admonitions. And let me not forget the brilliant photography and delicious recipes with step-by-step photos not to mention the consistency of regular blog posts. Sigh…I want to be all of those bloggers. Where God has me, though, is in the middle of yuck. Some of it is my own – my attitude and spiritual struggles. Some of it is the unpredictable stresses of owning a business still in the “losing money phase” of start-up. Some of it is the on-going saga of being a mom. Moms take an emotional beating, dontcha know? There’s plenty of other stuff I could boo hoo about but I’m not here to whine or make excuses. I just want to take a minute and be real.

We all expend a lot of energy in hiding our ugly. I know I do. I smile and say “I’m fine.” I avoid friends while I wait until I have my act together. I don’t invite people over when my house is a wreck.  I don’t blog because I think I need to have something beautiful to write. I don’t go to God because I know what a disappointment I must be when that’s the exact opposite of what He wants.

There are folks who know “of me” who think I have it all together because I have twelve kids AND we homeschool AND we own a business, etc., etc. WELL, I don’t. Just ask my kids. I wish I did but I’m struggling right along with everyone else. I’m a normal person just asking God to use me then turning around and begging Him to stop because I can’t take the pressure. So, I put on my mask, quote just the right Scripture, smile and say, “I’m fine,” then go home, take off my mask and wonder what the Lord sees in me. I know that’s satan whispering in my ear. It doesn’t make me feel any better at the time. I know I’m a child of the King but sometimes  the only ball this princess will attend is a masquerade due to her desire to be ambiguous.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but ugly is in the eye of anyone with an eye. We’ve all had defined for us by our culture what’s defined as lovely but there’s something in all of us that KNOWS ugly. No one wants to be ugly, we don’t feel lovable when we’re in an ugly place and it’s hard to love others when they’re in an ugly place.  I’m ugly, you’re ugly, all God’s people get ugly. Wisdom is seeing through God’s eyes and seeing what God sees. Jesus ain’t ugly. Let’s take off our masks and love each other where we’re at.

What’s not shared is lost,

Michelle