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Top 10 Things You Hate to Hear on an Airplane
1.This is your captain speaking. I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but if the child out on the starboard wing belongs to anyone, would you please alert the flight attendant?
2.I’m sorry sir but you have one more child than you have tickets for.
3.Boy, Dad, you sure made a loud noise in the bathroom…and what is that smell?
4.Dad, wasn’t there an engine attached to the wing when we took off?
5.Psst, Dad, this big fat lady next to me is squishing me.
6.I know I just went, but I gotta go again.
7.How much longer?
8.How much longer?
9.How much longer?
10. Honey, you take care of the kids and wake me when the plane lands.
and a bonus:
“This is your captain speaking. I have some bad news. We have lost all navigational & communication devices and and we have no idea where we are. We are almost out of fuel and the engines are failing one by one.But I have good news…we are making excellent time.”
Free Haircuts
One day, a barber decides, as a service to the community, to give free haircuts to all his customers for the entire week.
First thing in the morning, a florist goes to the barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen different books, such as ‘How to Improve Your Business’ and ‘Becoming More Successful.
Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
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Recipe For A Wild Thyme 